i am so tired

all i want to do is sleep all day. 2 years ago i was so hellbent on moving back to new orleans. and now i am so stressed out and depressed,., god i am such a fucking looser. i can still make myself sick just thinking about Vi. it's already been one week since she died. the crazy think about thinking about my freinds that are no longer here is remembering certian conversations we have had .. and then thinking "that it's so easy .. i can do that again one day.. i will be able to just do it right now".. but then realizing i can't .. it blows my mind.. i just get really confused...i dont understand how it's not possible. last time i was in austin before lance died.. i made a half ass effort to get in touch with him.. . goddamit. i dont know how to deal with this.. i guese i will just go to work and sand wood siding and think about it all day long again.. that doesnt really help though. . i dont know what will. the jazz funeral last night was really nice.. all of Vi's freinds seem really nice. i need to get to know more of them. right after i sand this damn house ..